Searching for some extra cash doesn’t have to be all gloomy. Stop by this section and have a laugh! Enjoy these loan jokes.
Vikesh walks into a bank in Durban and asks for the branch manager. He says he is going to North America on business for three weeks and needs to borrow R 50 000. The branch manager says the bank will need some kind of security in order to approve the loan. Vikesh says “No problem”, and then he hands over keys to a new Porsche parked in the parking lot of the bank. Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drives the Porsche into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
After three weeks Vikesh returns, repays the R50 000 and the interest. The bank manager says, “We are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out nicely. However, we are a little puzzled because whilst you were away we found out that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow R50 000?”
Vikesh replies, “Where else in Durban can I park my car for three weeks…….
The Credit Crunch –
A rich, dying man, laid on his deathbed, requested to be joined at his bedside by his vicar, his bank manager and his lawyer.
He instructed them that he wished to be buried, when he finally passed away, along with all his money. He gave each of them fifty thousand pounds and asked them to throw the money on top of his coffin, in the burial plot, when he died.
A couple of days later the old man passed away and was buried within the week. At the wake, the three men were chatting and the vicar was suddenly overcome with guilt. He confessed to the other two that he had only thrown only half of the money onto the coffin, as the church needed urgent repairs to the roof. The bank manager thought, ‘What the heck if we are having a confession,’ and told the other two men that he had also only thrown half the money in, as the ‘Credit Crunch’ was hitting hard and he needed some money for the bank to stop it going bust. The lawyer jumped up and said to the other two, ‘I think that is a shameful act on both of you. I threw a cheque in for the full amount!”
Bheki goes to his local bank, walks up to a personal banker and says i want a loan, I am going to divorce my wife. I am sorry sir we don’t give loans for divorces replies the banker. We offer loans only for things like businesses, student loans, real estate and home improvement. Bheki interrupts: Stop right there! This definitely falls into the category of Home Improvement.
Thomas was at church and the preacher said Jesus turned water into wine. Thomas immediately says to his friend next to him… So what is Jesus turned water into wine? I turned a whole student loan into Vodka.
“Mr Dube, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife R1 000 a week.”
“That’s very nice, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks, myself.”
The Married Couple
A married couple both lost their jobs at the factory, and were having a hard time finding new jobs. Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. But financial necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband’s back to go whoring. She came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made.
“R298.10,” she said.
“Who paid ten cents?” he asked.